Sunday, December 25, 2005
Dead....
I dont hv the mood to blog tis past few days eventhough a few events had taken place...I just feel so dead n lifeless...
I'm confused...I dont know what to do..I feel so alone.. So cold that I'm shakin like hell n feel like I'm gonna freeze to death... Why... Why must I keep goin thru all these shitty moments in my life???
I pray that he gets well soon... A new semester awaits.. It kills me to know that he's bedridden over there n unable to even feed himself.... I wish he was here... I'll gladly take care of him... I was so sick before n he fed n cleaned after me.. It's just sad that I cant return the favour... Be brave n fight... Fight 4 ur parents...Pls...They love u sooo much...Ur their only child... They slaved their asses off to raise u n made sure u had everytin u wanted...Pls dear... Fight on... For them..For ur frens...N for me!! Pls baby...I'm beggin ya!!
Do I take d job?? Or do i listen to my sis n decline it? It sumtin I want...But..I am scared that I might get played out..The hrs are long and they're payin me peanuts...I want the experience but spare me all d politics..Especially wen it comes to werkin in a malay organisation...Wat do i Do?? I've searched like hell..for a long tym..No one else has called me back... Wat do i do??
Can I just screw the Quran retake crap?? I cant memorise a single verse!! I dun feel like goin reallyyy....Wat can d skul cert guarantee me anyway?? Should I just screw it altogether??
I am so confused!!! I've nvr been tis unsure in my life... I just cant think straight.. Not even wen it comes to my own decisions.... Wat do I do?????????? I'm scared...alone...helpless....dying a slow toturous death.... I feel so lifeless...
I dun want to do anytin except just sit infront of the comp n stare blankly at the screen... I dun even watch that much tv anymore...I dun go out at all except to run errands...I hv no appetite to eat.. I eat one meal a day n thats only bcos I'm shakin of hunger n my head hurts...If I eat before that...Even if it is my fav food...I just cant swallow it n i want to puke.... Wat is wrong wiv me??
Is my body really collapsing??Is my mind really crashing?? My heart??? Wat heart...Shettered to pieces already wat!!!
Wat is wrong wiv me....???
I cant think...
I cant decide...
I cant rest peacefully....
I cant eat...
Is this really the beginin of the end....???
Or has my life officially ended and am I merely waitin for my heart to stop beatin...
U tell me....
N oh...Merry Christmas...Hohoho...
plain&simple.
5:20 PM
5:20 PM